As it was once again Monday, and I didn’t have the day off, it meant that I was in the shed on my own, and with it being a Monday night I wasn’t in for much excitement. I did however get the thrill of a new timetable, as in the final week of the festival now, and it means that some of the shows have changed and some of the new ones are amazing, including Jason Byrne, and the Space Cowboy, but also something rather intriguing called ‘The Freak and the Showgirl’ – and that’s exactly that it was. A thalidomide kid, all grown up, and Miss somewhere of something from a decade ago. Interesting! However, as I had to sell tickets for it, it meant I didn’t get a chance to see it, but I will definitely have to see it at the weekend! It does strike me as something that might sell out though – the kind of stupid show people hear about, and the only thing they know about it is that it has a naked lady in it. Jesus you can sell a lot of tickets just by getting your kit off! The on annoying thing about it was that it is on even later than the Wau Wau Sisters were, so it means I had to be there even later. When I knocked off I got a beer, and sat down with one of my bosses to enjoy beer and a few of her chips, at about midnight. Completely normal behaviour! As I hadn’t actually eaten much in the way of real food for a while I decided to go for a baked potato for my dinner, and took it home in it’s little cardboard tray, and ate it when real cutlery, which was very exciting. I then spent the next couple of hours just chatting with our flat mates, and having multiple cups of tea. At some ridiculous time in the morning I eventually went to bed, and didn’t have to worry about setting an alarm as I had the next day off.
I had one plan for the day, and that was to meet up with Nathan. And so with that sorted, I had a couple f hours to myself to try and get some writing done, and have some breakfast – cornflakes really are one of the most boring cereals! We had plans to go for a coffee, which very quickly changed, and within 5 minutes of meeting up with each other we both had a pint in our hands, and some lunch ordered. Not bad! It wasn’t really half as awkward as I thought it was going to be and we just chatted away whilst we ate, and then had another drink. It was at this point that he remembered he had to go to the bank, and the next couple of hours we spent traipsing around Adelaide trying to find a bank which stocked Fiji money. After we had completed our mission, I thought I deserved an ice cream, and finally gave in to the place we live next to, and got a huge ice cream. That cheered me up again. We went for a look round site, but, as it was the day not much was going on, and so after a quick tour, he said he had to go, and that was that. In the evening I decided to go for some silly shows, and went to see Gateau Chocolat (again, yes I know!) and then to Drags Aloud, and they were just what I was in the mood for! Glitter, heels, lycra, and more glitter. Fantastic. And then I got an amazing pancake, with everything on it, and sat down to enjoy the Garden.
As we were in the final week we were all getting a bit giddy about it all being over, and the fact I had my final Front of House shift on Wednesday made me very happy. I didn’t manage to get out of it – but considering I’d only actually done it once before I thought I should just enjoy it. So, I did my rounds of wandering, and not doing a lot, almost had a fight with someone about when their break would be, swept and cleaned two of the tents, and doing some terrible spruiking, I then had to cover someone’s break, so I got to listen to pretty much all of Barry Morgan’s wonderful organ show – again. Jesus Christ. However, during my time in front of the ‘Cupola’ something rather hilarious happened. Let me first set the scene – I was wearing a strapless top, I was also wearing a bum-bag which was far too big for me, but had no way of tightening, so I just had to balance it around my hips. Onto this bum-bag I then attached a radio, and had the mic pinned to the top of my (strapless_ top. Most of you can probably guess what happened next, but for thse who cant – the bum-bag dropped form my waist, taking the radio, the mic, and ultimately my top down with it. I was then left, with one of my breasts out, thankfully covered by my bra, and had to try and think of something to say. The only thing I could come up with was ‘Ah well, you get a free tit with that ticket’ not exactly helping the situation, but it was the first thing that popped into my head as I desperately tried to pull my top back up. What happened next was even better though, a few minutes after this incident, the show finished and I went to open the zip of the tent and the same thing happened again, however this time it took me bra with it – leaving me with one exposed breast, and still trying to un-zip the tent. Oh my God!! The rest of the night was pretty much spent covering people’s breaks, and at one point I was very excited to see Phil and Rowan had come to see me, and it was at the one point in the night when I was actually meant to be doing something. Annoying! I chatted to them for awhile, vowed to meet up with them before they go back to the UK, and reluctantly went back to what I was doing before. That was my night pretty much, apart from right at the very end of it I was asked to help clean the Spiegeltent – not that I could actually say no, nor could I point out that it kept me 20 minutes longer than I was meant to be there. I wouldn’t mind normally, but it was just such a boring job!
When I arrived at work the next day I found everyone getting ready for work, much the same as usual, but there seemed to be a few who were taking it more seriously than other days, and it was then that everyone was dressing up as each other, but no one had told us in the box office – rubbish! I could have gone as Will and just worn jeans and a t-shirt. It was also the night of our staff party (during the run, weird I know!) so I think that also had a lot to do with the special attention to detail. So over the next hour or so when everyone arrived into work, I tried to think of someone I could go as, and in the end decided to try and borrow one of my friends, more than slightly creepy scout uniform! It was amazing, and I have no idea how it still fits him, but I thought it would be fitting, and everyone would know who I had gone as. And so he said he would get it for me the next time he wasn’t busy. That seemed fair! Work was oddly quiet for the while night, so we didn’t really get up to much – in fact, we did so little I made myself a mask, with a moving mouth and everything – cabin fever had well and truly set in! It was lovely weather though, and the rest of the night went quite quickly. Once we were both finished we tried to find other people who had finished so we could have a drink with them, and it didn’t take long! I did find some people once again re-touching their make-up, and all I could think is that this was a work party – these people have seen you for the past month, it doesn’t really matter. But anyway – maybe I shouldn’t think like that?! We had a couple of drinks on site, and then headed up to the pub, and got given our wristbands for our free drinks. Awesome! So, I went straight to the bar, and decided vodka would be my drink for the night. Everyone spent the next few hours drinking courtesy of the Garden of Unearthly Delights, and the tab was only finished when someone ordered 10 shots – an easy way to destroy a tab! But, I had managed to have one drink in each hand, so I was set for a while. We did also get fed at some point in the night, and plates of cheese appeared, which were quickly diminished, but were well appreciated. When we were finally all kicked out of the bar at 3am, some people continued to drink, and found somewhere else. I opted out of this and decided to go home, as I was already pretty pissed – to put it nicely!
Surprisingly enough I woke up later than usual the next day. I have vague memories of waking up at about 9am, and still being drunk, and feeling like rubbish, and then I woke up again at 2pm, still feeling pretty dodgy, but forced myself up, and forced myself to drink a cup of tea. Evil vodka! After having a shower, and a cigarette, and letting the caffeine kick in a felt quite a lot better. I didn’t do anything all day, and just lay about in the living room with a couple of our flat mates, and moaned about feeling sick. Eventually I got ready for work – with minimal effort having gone into the outfit of choice, an headed to work, via the 7/11 to get some kind of fruit juice – my body was craving some kind of vitamins, so I got a couple of bottles, and headed off to work. Strangely enough everyone else felt terrible too, and when I heard stories of people having champagne breakfasts that morning I was pretty glad I had bailed when I had. I would be completely broken if I had stayed out till then! As all of our managers had also been out the night it meant not a lot was expected of us – sadly we had all of the idiot punters to deal with. The Friday night crowd always seemed particularly demanding, and annoying. We battled through for 7 hours, and in the end the final show had gone in, and we could run away from our shed! Hurray! The one bonus about the night was that I was constantly chatted up by an Irish guy – bloody typical – go half way round the world to be chatted up by Irish guys, I can do that in Edinburgh!! But, I’m not complaining! It’s just a shame he seemed to disappear at one point in the night. Bugger! Anyway, once I was finished I was pretty keen to just go home and go to bed, but as Will had the keys I had to wait for him to be free. Normally this isn’t a problem at all, and it is a matter of minutes, however on this night, Amanda Palmer had decided to continue her show outside, and then in her drunken state, climbed on to the top of the massive Dutch wooden box, and sang form there. Because of this Will had to stick about and make sure she didn’t die! So, I go some spring rolls, and ate my dinner on a deckchair just watching the chaos unfold. Jot bad dinner entertainment! Eventually she got down and I got to go home.
My final Saturday was so slow it was insane – I’m sure the evening was much busier, but I had so little to do I was pretty glad that I was almost over! It was just so frustrating having so little to do, but it was so hot in the box that I imagine if I was given anything to complex to do I would have failed anyway. I basically spent the day sweating, and trying to replace my fluids as quickly as I could. It was even too hot to eat, so I didn’t mind that I wasn’t given a break, I was instead just brought cold bottles of water, and Lift. Can’t complain too much! I was pretty much just counting down the hours, as I had plans to leave the Garden that night, as I had tickets for Tim Minchin and the Adelaide Symphony Orchestra – and to put it mildly I was a tad excited! I had randomly asked when I was at the box office buying my Belle and Sebastian tickets, and I was in luck, and found out there were two available, in the front of the balcony. Not terrible. So me and Will both had tickets, and although he was meant to be working he had managed to get someone to cover him for a couple of hours, and so once I finished work I went home, had a couple of beers and was accosted by a 5-year-old and the never-ending questions, finally I managed to escape and headed off to the theatre. The walk there seemed to take much longer than before, but I still got there with time to spare, and just waited for Will – far too excited for my own good. And then we were entertained by Tim Minchin for a few hours, I think in total it was about 3 hours long, with a little interval, and it was incredible. By the start of the first song me and Will had our jaws on the floor, but still couldn’t help laughing. He is incredible. And I bet he’s been waiting for my opinion on his overwhelming talent, so he can now rest easy! In true form he managed to impress me enough to make me think buying the CD of his show was a good idea, and I clambered amongst everyone else trying to buy stuff, Will ran back to work, as he had been much longer than he said he would be! After handing over $25 for the CD I refrained from buying a badge that said ‘Cheese’ on it (and slightly regret it now!) I decided it was time to go home – or at least onto site to see if I can see a show – I can’t help it! As soon as I stepped outside I realised the whole floor was moving – and it was cricket s- absolutely hundreds of them – all over the floor, in various states of living, and swarming around the street lamps, and occasionally even having the guts to fly into my hair. I walked home pretty damned quickly that night, and didn’t stop off at the Garden – I couldn’t stand any more bugs – so I went home, and very quickly fell asleep. Well done Mr. Minchin.
It was the final day of work, and it seemed like I had been there for so long, it was going to be sad seeing it all being taken down, but before then, I had one more shift, and a couple more shows to cram in! The day was really quiet, it had gotten to the time in the festival when everyone was over it, punters and the staff, and I couldn’t stop counting down the hours. When 7pm finally came I skipped out of the box office, to almost bump into one of Will’s friend who was carrying lots of beer. Will and a couple more f his friends we all sitting round a table, and I thought tyat seemed like a fantastic way to celebrate my new freedom. So, we sat and chatted and drank for awhile, until Will got called off to unblock a port-a-loo. I’m so glad I’m not in his position if power! I then had to run to go and see my first show of the night, which was going to be the Space Cowboy. He was in the first Fringe show I ever saw in Edinburgh, and he now has a special place in my heart, and for pretty good reason too – his finale was on top of a 10 foot unicycle, blindfolded, juggling a butchers knife, a machete and a little axe of some description. He also did such mediocre things as bend spoons and make light bulbs turn on without them being attached to electricity! Next on the list was Jason Byrne, who I knew was going to be amazing, but was sold out, so I sat at the back next to the tech, and, he did not disappoint, at all. Another amazing show. And then I decided that I really should go and see the ‘Freak and the Showgirl’ – and all I knew about it was that someone said to me that you have to go in with an open mind, with that ringing in my head I watched what has to have been one of the strangest things I have ever seen at a festival, and that’s a pretty good claim. It had no point, no idea, and no structure. The only thing which was even close to talent was the man’s singing voice, but it really did seem like a really bad hark-back to freak shows and the likes, but did it badly. Harsh review, but true. Ah well, two of the shows were good, and the third, was, interesting! That’s a pretty good average for a Fringe festival though! By the time I had come out of my final show they had already started to rip the site down, and I got briskly ushered out of the gate before I manged to get my staff-pass out, and get through them to try and find Will. The Scotland V England rugby match was on that night, and I was going to watch it in his office, but the internet wasn’t working, so I just went to say goodbye, and then went back to the flat to wait for Will to pop over and show me how to watch it online. I fell asleep before this happened, and found out in the morning Scotland lost. No surprises there then!
And so with the Garden of Unearthly Delights over, I had a couple of weeks before I started work at the Melbourne comedy Festival, and I had been semi-asked if I would do some babysitting, so I knew I was going to be in Adelaide for the next week or so – I definitely had to stay until Thursday, as on Wednesday night I’m going to see Belle & Sebastian, and I can’t wait! And I still have to go to the zoo at s
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