WEEK TWENTY-EIGHT

So, I was back in Melbourne, and was starting work at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, and I was quite excited! But before then I had a few days of doing not a lot.

On Monday I didn’t really do much at all, I did do some boring paperwork that I had to finish before I had my training day, but for the rest of the day I enjoyed the hundreds of TV channels we had which entertained me much more than the terrible Adelaide day-time TV. Mainly I just pottered about the house. Really not the most exciting day I’ve had, but it was one day down before I started work again. I went to bed relatively early that night, with the thoughts that I would have to get up early and go into the City.

My early night did nothing, and by the time I eventually got up I felt absolutely terrible. A shower didn’t help, nor did a cup of tea, but, regardless I had to go into the City, and had to be there by 11am. The walk to the train station felt ten-times longer than it actually is, and at one point felt like I was going to throw-up. Yay! Good start to a festival. I made it to Flinders St, and headed straight to get a giant sized coffee to try and help me feel better – it didn’t, but I went in to find out exactly what I was going to be doing. When I found the room I saw a few familiar faces, mainly from the Garden, but some from Melbourne Fringe, too, and I was very surprised to see one of my friends from the Science Festival in Edinburgh was there too – I didn’t know she was on this side of the world! And then the talks started – I think I have explained many times already my frustration at these training days, but we did the usual rubbish, and the safety talks, and then got given our little folders with all the info about our venues. Safe to say I wasn’t best pleased with what I had been given, and that is the nice way to put it. A tiny little 56-seater, and I didn’t know any of the artists. I vaguely knew the name of one of them, but apart form that, they were new to me. Boring! Anyway, after a few more lovely talks we were set free for lunch, and I headed to once again get some coffee – still had a fantastic fever which was confusing my body – coffee seemed safe though. Back to the Town Hall for another introduction to all the important people in the festival, and ultimately another hour of having to sit there and listen to boring rubbish. Eventually we got to go and see our venues, and took some posters to covers the walls in. I was shown my room, and told to stay there until they came back and told me all of the specific stuff for the room. I put up the posters with a bit of help with some other people, and then sat down and waited. And waited. And then found out I don’t get phone reception there, but still waited a bit longer. Eventually someone came down and told me everything I needed to know, and then I went to poster some walls. I did finally feel a bit better though. After about an hour of postering we all got to go home – hurray! I did have plans to wander about the City for a while and have a look at some stuff, but I went straight home, made a sandwich, and slept for a while. When I woke up I felt fantastic again – just a half-day sickness! As Will and Toni were both still at work busy putting stuff together, I thought I’d go to IGA and get some stuff for dinner. After getting some stuff to make a sensible pasta dish, I found out neither of them were home for dinner, so I changed my plans very quickly, and I ended up having pancakes for dinner. Hurray for being a grown-up and being able to eat what I want!

I woke up kinda early again, which was nice, and this time I didn’t feel terrible, which was a bonus. I once again stayed in the house for most of the day – and phoned people from home to find out all of their news. I mainly spent my day in front of the computer, and just doing not a lot. Dad called me in the afternoon and let me know that he was planning a holiday with my sister, and I was invited – amazing. So I spent a while searching the internet for cheap flights to the Canaries, and then phoned my sister to have a chat. I’d already planned to, but this news made me slightly more eager, and as soon as she got back from work, I gave her a call and asked her all about it. Turns out it isn’t really happening, and it was just my Dad getting ahead of himself, and making silly plans. Shame though, it would have been nice! And so that’s how I spent my last day before I started work.

The next day I was due to start work at 5:15 and after I woke up late, I was in the mentality that I didn’t have any time to do anything before work, so just wasted time and then got ready for the fun. When I got there I collected my stuff and headed down to the corridor, which was to be my home for the next month. It seemed very cold and breezy. I then found out that I was so far into the depths of the building my radio didn’t work – that will be annoying. The night wasn’t really that bad, and I learnt the ropes of how it all worked, and in the end I even found one little spot where my radio worked. Sometimes. I also found out the techs in my room are people I already know, and I’m pretty chuffed with them! I did get very bored though throughout the course of the night, and read the programme pretty much cover to cover. Ah well, at least I know more than before about my shows! But, did vow that I would bring a book from now on. During my break I sampled some of the food from Flinders Street, and it was horrible. No other word for it. Wedges that were like cardboard, and spring rolls with something weird in them. There’s plenty more places to try over the next month! As I finished after midnight I got offered a cab-charge. I decided I had spent enough time in the City, and it had been very boring, so I took up the offer, bought an iced coffee, and headed home. I had survived the first day. The one downfall was that, as I didn’t finish till midnight I didn’t get tired till about 4am. Dammit.

The next day I was more prepared for work – I had many more layers on, a book in my bag, and a coffee in my hand. To be honest it still wasn’t that busy, which actually surprised me, as me it was a Friday night. But, still no crowds. Which was a shame, and meant that I got to read half my book. Not a bad night really! I didn’t even have to worry about any sold out shows – nothing was really busy enough to worry about. Chilled out night. I once again had the dilemma of what to eat, but decided against it, and went to Starbucks and got a huge Chai tea. It’s actually the first Starbuck’s I’ve had since I got here – there are so many other cafes around, you don’t have to, but, it was late, and they do the biggest cups. Ooops. As it was Friday there were later trains. So I didn’t get a cab charge, which was annoying, but I ran and got the last one. Just in time. I then found out that there was a crazy lady in my carriage. She was proper crazy, and just randomly shouting – just what I wanted! Why are they always on my train?

Saturday was much the same as Friday. I did get a chance to read the other half of my book though, so I can’t complain too much! For my food choice of the night I stayed safe, and got cheese and crackers. Good choice! Also found out that the 7/11 does tea for $1. Fantastic. I wouldn’t trust their coffee, but you can’t go wrong with tea. After the joyous Saturday night that it was, I thought I would go to Hi-Fi, the bar across the road, and also a venue. When I finally got outside, from my little hobbit hole, I saw that there was a bloody queue down the road. Boring. Really wasn’t up for waiting in the queue, I headed to the train station and went home. Exciting night. Although I went home, it didn’t mean that I went to bed, and in fact still seemed to be awake at 5am. Not good. In the end I fell asleep, thank god!

Thanks to my late night it meant I woke up stupidly late, and really didn’t have that long before I had to go to work – it all started an hour earlier as it was Sunday. Melbourne Fringe did it too, and I just don’t know why – it just confuses me! So much for going to the gym before work during this thing. Dammit! It was a short night at work, as there were only 4 shows, instead of 5. Bonus. I went to Hi-Fi after work, and just watched the weird comedy that was happening – it was stupidly quiet in there, and I just sat, chatted to Will, and had a drink. Then one of my friends from Edinburgh walked past me. Not the same one I met at the training, but a new one. I couldn’t believe it. I was slightly wary to jump up and say hello, as she has an identical twin, but she saw me, and recognised me. Fantastic! So I spent the rest f the night catching up with her, and ended up going home at 3am. Once again I couldn’t get to sleep until 5a m – this really is annoying.

And so that is my week, I have started work, and am going to be doing it for the next three weeks - this could get slightly annoying, but, hopefully I’ll be able to see the shows in my room at some point. I’ve also met up with a couple of friends, so now I have more people to meet up with whilst I’m here. Always good. Bring on week two of the comedy festival – it might even get busier.

WEEK TWENTY-SEVEN

And so it was the first full day of my little adventure back to Melbourne, and it is safe to say I didn’t wake up entirely happy – in fact I was cold, and the two other people in the dorm kept turning the light on and off – not annoying at all.  I eventually stopped trying to go back to sleep and climbed out of bed. I went through to the kitchen to find the two people I knew making what looked like a rather delicious breakfast, and I was starving, so went out to the car to get my bread and peanut butter. Only to find that I didn’t have the bag. I wasn’t sure how this could be the case, but I checked again, and it just didn’t seem to be there. Annoying. So I didn’t have anything proper for breakfast, but had some iced coffee in the fridge, and had that – I would get something proper when I get to the next town. Whilst having a cigarette in the morning, I was shocked to see how close we were to the water – I had known it was near, but it was practically on the water – it was so dark when I turned up last night, I could have been anywhere, but in the beautiful misty morning it looked perfect. Also, I found out that the lady who ran the hostel was from Keith of all places – it really is a small world, half my history is in one hostel! With all my stuff dumped back in the car, I set off again, towards the town centre of Robe.  To be honest there wasn’t much there, but I had a coffee as I sat on the rocks by the sea. The next town along the coast was Beachport, and it was a lovely road there, however, halfway there I realised I had forgotten the bloody basil plant – I really did consider going back for it, but I had been driving for a while, and I decided just to buy a basil plant when I got back to Melbourne. Basil would survive where he was. When I arrived in Beachport I headed straight to the water, and although it was a bit chilly, decided to walk along, what is apparently, an impressively long pier(according to the lady in the tourist info!). It was actually very long, and it was lovely just getting out of the car, wandering about, and watching the sea. It was time for some kind of food, so I went to the dodgy café on the seafront, a proper greasy spoon, and was once again treated to life in regional Australia – nothing veggie on the menu, but they seemed very nice, and they made me a sandwich, and I got a giant mug of tea, all for under $6 – bargain! There was a little gift-shop there, and I had a look, god knows why, it was all horrible, but anyway, I did. The next stop along the road was Millicent, and it was where I was hoping to find something to I can plug my phone into the car stereo, so I no longer have to put up with terrible radio reception. I was also planning on sleeping in the car that night – I was going to find somewhere nice, and just enjoy it. So, for this to be in any way comfortable, I needed to also locate a blanket of sorts – nothing fancy, an op-shop would do! So, with my little map of the courtesy of the tourist info, I headed off to the electrical shop, hoping they’d have an aux lead, and charger. It was closed. So, I went for the next thing on the list, and trawled the op-shops for blankets, only one of them had any at all, and even then the choice was slim – where was savers when I needed it! The only one that was even vaguely in good condition, and big enough to cover me, had a rather suspect stain from something, which I could only think of as poo. So, I didn’t buy on, and decided I would just put on a big jumper. It’s only for one night. I was successful with the stuff for my phone though, so set off again, with my music blaring! Hurray! Next place was Mt Gambier – and the only place I wanted to see was the Blue Lake. I got incredibly lost trying to find it, and only by chance I actually got there. And it was, as you’d guess, very blue. There really is nothing else you can say about it, and even my photo didn’t do it justice, but it is a giant, vibrant blue lake! I then got lost again trying to get out of town, and thankfully, eventually found the road I was looking for. Port MacDonnell was next. And it was tiny, and closed. Everything in the town was closed apart from a chippy, so I asked them how to get to the lighthouse, and went on my way. It was a surprisingly long way up the track, and I thought I was heading for a lighthouse ruin – that’s what they describe it as – but instead it was just a site where a lighthouse used to be – no ruins. Boring. But, I was starting to suffer from sitting in the car for so long, so got out for a look around the rocks. And I’m glad I did – it was great, and I even saw fairy penguins! Amazing! After being blown about by the wind for a bit I set off again – I was going to try and get to Portland tonight, and the light was dying. When I got there Portland didn’t seem so nice, so I kept driving, and just a few miles out of town there were signs for Cape Nelson. Sounded good, so I followed the signs. And followed them, hoping to find somewhere awesome to sleep, and then I saw an animal scuttling across the road, and then noticed lots more of them by the side of the road, and then I realised it was an echidna! Amazing. I was, however, slightly too excited, and forgot to take a photo – but they really are just like a giant hedgehog. I love them! I kept going up the track, and saw a few kangaroos – I really shouldn’t have been driving at this point. Eventually I saw a turn off to a picnic area – perfect! It was a little loop, with 8 picnic areas off it, and they were so secluded, and had a place to park the car off the track – so I decided, this would be my place to stay for the night. I had however planned this badly, and had no food, and a little bit of water, so I went back to Portland, and got myself a pizza, and some drinks. Much better. As I was heading up the track again I saw something else on the road, and by now, knew that it wasn’t an echidna, and it definitely wasn’t a kangaroo, it was much shorter, and I assumed it was a wombat. So I slowed down and when I stopped, I realised it was a koala!!!! And I let out a little excited squeal. As with the echidna, I forgot to take a photo of it, as I was just too busy watching it. Oops! When I got back to my spot I had my dinner, and then sat and listened to The Hobbit on audiobook – it was dark and I couldn’t do much else. When I eventually decided it was time for sleep it found it harder than I thought it was going to be to get comfy, but did in the end. And then scared myself silly. Although this was a lovely, secluded spot, and no one was around, it was for these precise reasons I lay asleep for half the night, paranoid someone was going to kill me. I know it sounds insane now, but it was dark and scary at the time. So I locked all the doors, and convinced myself that was enough to keep out any mad axe murderers. Not that I slept that well anyway, I woke up at some point in the night to put on more layers of clothes because it was so damned cold!

Despite my early morning efforts I still woke up cold, which was a bitch, but, I got up, drank some iced coffee, which I had left outside, and was now beautifully chilled. My first stop was Cape Nelson Lighthouse – I was already almost there, but, as it was no longer foggy, I noticed the massive wind farm which was in the field that I had driven pat 4 times the night before and never seen. So, I stopped and took some photos for Dad – thought he might want to see what an international wind turbine looked like! I continued on to the lighthouse, and when I got there I found a car park full of coaches, with lots of old people piling out of them. Far too touristy for my liking. So, I got out for a quick walk and a look about, I was craving coffee quite badly, and was slightly disappointed when I saw that the café was closed – gutted! So, once I got blown about by the wind I headed off again. I had a long way to go. I stopped off at the tourist information in Portland, just to get maps and stuff of the area as it had been closed the night before, and next to the door there was a sign saying that there were blue whales spotted just off the coast. It was 45 minutes away, ad I really couldn’t spend so much time chasing whales, which had more than likely moved on. Gutting! Next stop was Port Fairy, which was pretty cute, but I didn’t stop, apart from to get a tea in a takeaway cup. I actually stopped just outside Port Fairy, and went to a nature reserve place, and drove around the tracks. Apparently there were lots of animals around , but I couldn’t see any! I was ready to leave when I saw a car stopped in front of me, so I slowed down. And then a saw a long neck and a big beady eye. An emu!!! And then there was another one. I got out, trying not to scare them away, and then tried to take some photos – I had learnt my lesson the night before! So, I left the park pretty chuffed!! Despite being scared of birds, I love emus! And then I continued to Cheese World! I was very excited about it, and found it surprisingly easily. I got there, and didn’t have long to wait for a tasting, so just had a look about, bought a ‘Cheese World’ sticker for Will, and then went to eat cheese. I was slightly scared, after the bad Tasmanian experience, but the cheese was pretty damned good, so I parted with quite a few pennies, and also got a thickshake, and a couple of bags of sweeties. I was ready for my drive. So, I was at the start of the Great Ocean Road. One of Australia’s famous road-trips. And it was raining. Bugger. But, after getting further down the road and the landscape became more barren and more coastal. The first sop was the Bay of Islands, and it was beautiful. It is strange to think these places are always changing – but, I enjoyed the view I got! The next one was London Bridge, which actually no longer looks like it’s namesake, as some of it collapsed in the 1990’s. But, once again, I was pretty happy with the view I was treated to. I also ended up chatting to a group of old people from Yorkshire, and I took a photo for them, and them for me. Next down the coast was Loch Ard Gorge, and, after getting out of the car, saw the same group of old people getting out of their car. So, we did the same again, with the photos and then I went for a walk down to the beach. It was quite a steep staircase, but it was such a lovely little cove. I then went for a walk around the headland, and to Thunder Cove, and, this may sound stupid, but it really did sound like thunder! It was great. So I stood and ended up slightly mesmerised by the sound of the sea. But, sadly I had to pull myself away and had to get to the Twelve Apostles before it got dark! And I got to a little town, stocked up on tobacco, as I was running stupidly low, and also bought a couple of postcards. I continued along the road, and seemed to be slightly confused that I was heading away from the coast. I seemed like I had missed it, so I turned around and went back, checking every turn-off! And it was getting pretty dark, Bugger. When I saw the turn-off I have no idea how I missed it – it was a huge car park, so I pulled in, and got my camera. I had just arrived about ten minutes before sunset. Perfect timing. And then I started taking photos, and really didn’t stop for the while. The light kept changing so much, it was stunning . There are no words to explain how beautiful it was. And to save you all a few hours reading  I’ve given you some photos! In the twilight, and still with lots of my sweeties left, I started driving towards Apollo Bay. I was going to have to miss all of the trees full of koalas, but I had a time constraint, and so I drove through fog, rain and around the windiest roads I have ever driven on. It was insane, and slightly scary, although at this time I had my own music, and not the God radio station! When I eventually pulled into the town it was dark, and late. Thank god for iphones – I punched in the address of the hostel, and found out it was just round the corner. When I pulled up I grabbed my wallet and went to book in. I went for a dorm, and was pleased to find out that I was the only one in it, So I went to investigate – it was an awesome hostel, the room was lovely, and the blanket was thick and cosy. Perfect. So, I went to get the rest of the rubbish I would need for the rest of the night, and went to sit in front of the fire and read my book. Lovely. It really was such a lovely relaxed way to end my trip, and I went to bed tired and warm.

I woke up quite early, chucked my stuff in the back of the car, and took the hostels suggestion as to where to eat breakfast, and it was a little café just round the corner. Perfect. So I ordered hash browns, beans, and an egg on toast, with a large pot of tea. I ended up just being able to eat the hash brown, and some of the toast dipped in bean juice – I had managed to shrink my stomach by living off milk! Ooops! So, I headed back to my car, feeling rather sick I was so full. I had to be back in Melbourne by 3pm, so I set off again on the road. The views were so beautiful, and it was such a nice day I kept stopping to enjoy the landscape, and when I got the Lorne I went for a final play on the beach. It was lovely. Sadly, I had spent too much time doing other stuff, so just had to put my foot on it, and was slightly sad when the area got more and more metropolitan, and eventually I arrived at the airport to drop the car off. The rest of my journey back to Yarraville was full of annoying little problems, but in the end I eventually made it, almost in tears, and Toni was there to pick me up. Thank God! It was hot and stuffy and I seemed to have four thousand bags full of crap!

With so much done in the first few days of the week, and so much money spent, I wasted Thursday unpacking all of my rubbish, and then tidying the room again back to it’s original state. I don’t know why unpacking is always so messy! In the evening I just lazed about – and ate a proper meal off a plate and with cutlery! And, although I am back on the sofa it did mean I got to fall asleep in front of the fires. They really do make winter bearable! It’s not even winter yet, it’s the start of autumn!

Another cheap day was on the cards, and I just pottered about the house, and in the afternoon everyone sat down to watch a movie. It was great! It’s not really that long until I start work again, and I was just enjoying doing nothing! I spent the evening writing, and just watching TV. Not exciting, but it was well needed.

After a couple of days of not actually leaving the house, apart from to the garden, I decided to go for a bike ride, it had been a while since I got on the clown bike! After not very long I was knackered, and when I almost slowed down to a crawl I turned around and went home again. By the time I got there I was cursing the bike, and myself! Not good – maybe one day I’ll have the motivation to get fit…maybe….Anyway, in the evening I sat down to read some of my book, and it took me three chapters for me to realise that it wasn’t the same book I had started in the hostel – it didn’t seem to make much sense.

The next day I left the house again – I was getting adventurous! Will and Toni were going to Bunnings (Will’s favourite shop!) to get paint for the house, and I went along too, and we all got a frozen yoghurt on the way – bonus! I bought glass coat – some stuff I need to fix up the bit of wood I got from Tasmania. So, I forked out $50 on two bottles of chemicals, and we all headed home again. When we got back I got shown how to use the sanders, and after not very long my whole body was shaking, and I gave up. This may take a while to get it finished! I start next week at work again, and I’m actually quite excited, I have no idea what I am going to be doing – I have been given a job title, and that’s it! Hilarious! And, I didn’t do much for the rest of the day. But, I had done some pretty awesome stuff at the start of the week – I saw a koala, lots of kangaroos, quite a few echidnas and two emus. That beats everything else!


(Sorry about the lazy photo placement - the computer was being stupid! But, there are some pretty good ones there!)

                                                                                                                                                                                   

WEEK TWENTY-SIX

And at last, after 5 weeks, I had freedom again! OK, it may not seem like that long, but it’s a bloody long festival season, and I was over it! And I had plans to do absolutely nothing. I had a vague plan to go to the zoo, saying that, I’ve had he same vague idea for over a month now, but I had woken up too late for it, and I didn’t want to miss any vital panda-viewing time. I know there are other animals there, but they will all pale in comparison with the pandas. So excited. I may try and steal one. I decided I would go on Tuesday. Definitely. I thought at some point I was going to get a phone call asking me to babysit, but it didn’t come in the morning, so at about 2pm (late I know!) I went down to the café, and had some brunch. I really enjoyed just having the time to sit there and do nothing, without the thought of having to go to work later. It really does wreck the day. I still didn’t get the call, and it didn’t come all afternoon, so I sat on the balcony reading my book. What a lovely relaxed way to spend my first proper day off.

And finally, I had woken up early enough to go to the zoo, and get my moneys worth, so I had a shower and set off. I didn’t realise it was as hot as it actually was, and the rather short walk there seemed to take me forever, but that’s probably also because I had no idea where I was going. As the pandas were obviously going to be my favourite animal there, I forced myself to go and have a look at the other ones first, and this started off with the reptiles – by far the most boring bit of the zoo. I did see a big saltwater croc though, that I could have touched if I had the desire. I didn’t, but I could have. The other highlight, not including the big fluffy black and white vegetarians, was when they fed the tiger. I went up to the cage, and there were already loads of people waiting, which was almost useful, as they pointed out the tiger to me, who was anxiously pacing behind a gate. It wanted the food. And then we saw the little hatch open, and the massive chunk of sheep was put in place. Right next to the glass, and right next to the pool that was in the cage. Perfect. It’s like they’d done it before. And then they let the tiger out, and there was no messing around. It bolted to where the food was and started to dig in. It was amazing, and didn’t move until it had well and truly finished, and had cleaned its paws of the blood. So from one animals I wanted to take home to another, and it was finally time for the pandas. I thought I would mark the occasion, and buy myself a typically Australian ice cream called a ‘Golden Gaytime’ – firstly because I think the name is hilarious, and who wouldn’t. Unless you were trying to be grown up, and secondly, because I was curious. Curiosity killed the cat, and this was enough to put me off these horrible ice creams for life. What the hell are they meant to taste of? Yuk. After a few bites of it, and being fully repulsed by the whole idea of it, I threw it away. Yes, I threw away an ice cream. I couldn’t believe it either! Back to the more important case in point though, the pandas. I found the gate, and headed in, and was greeted by the boring but compulsory information boards that tell you stuff about the animals. This also guided you through the massive bamboo maze, which led to the animals. And then I saw the cage – which was HUGE, and mostly made of glass, and then I searched the cage and couldn’t see anything. Then, curled up in one of the corners was a fluff-ball, and in the opposite corner another. To be honest they did very little whilst I watched them, ,I assume they breathed, but I didn’t see it, so they could be stuffed. Anyway, regardless of their inactivity, I stood there amazed for ages, long enough for a man to come and talk to me about pandas, and told me that although they look fluffy they are wild animals and they can’t be pets. Pah! Wild animals my arse. They were born and raised in China – they info boards had just told me. And, if he gave me a chance, I would prove him wrong about the pets thing too – I doubt he’d let me take one home for the weekend. Greedy panda keeper wanted to keep them all to himself. I bet once they close the gates of the zoo, he just gets in their cage and plays with them, and gives them big hugs. Once this man had crushed my dreams about stealing one, I went for a final look at the tigers (they are a close second) and it was only then that I noticed the penny crushing machine. Amazing! I had to get one. So I paid my $2, and turned that handle! The ones in this country even have something on the side of the machine that lets you put holes in it, once finished, but I chose not to, and put it with the rest of my collection. And then decided it was time for home. I was hungry, and the dodgy café/restaurant looked very unappealing. So, off I went, to IGA to get some bread. Fancy stuff! After I had my sandwich I didn’t really do much for the day. Just pottered about on my own, as everyone else was at work still. Boring! The one savig grace was that at lease I woke up pretty late, so by the time I actually felt like facing the world, I didn’t have too long till people came home. A few hours though. So, I plonked myself in front of the tele and watched the best Adelaide TV had to offer – which was shite! You couldn’t be unemployed in this city for long – you’d go mental after a week of the shit TV! That evening I was going to see Belle & Sebastian, and I was so excited. They are a band I have wanted to see for so long, and finally, randomly I noticed they are playing in Adelaide. How silly, never saw them in Scotland, but I see them here. I was complaining, I was just happy I was going to get to see them! So, stupidly early I started getting ready, and went down to the bottle-o to get some beer. And that was my afternoon, pottering about the house trying on clothes that didn’t contain anything from my ‘Garden’ wardrobe, and drinking beer. Perfect. When I got there, after getting slightly lost, I relaised I had made the same mistake I had seen thousands other make, and turned up when the doors opened not when the band came on stage. So, that’s fine, the support act was OK, even if it was insanely loud, and I could have a couple more drinks. When they finally came on stage I was amazed – firstly at what the main man looked like, and secondly by his Scottish accent – it’s been so long since I heard one! And I loved every minute of it, and just sat there, mesmerized! I clapped, and showed appreciation, but that’s about all. Just sat, in awe. And that was my night taken up, and I loved it. On my home I phoned Liz just for a chat, and to catch up on her gossip, it had been a while since I spoke to her. I still hadn’t got a phone call about babysitting – bit of a waste of time staying in Adelaide. Bugger!

So, I continued my days of doing nothing, until I got a message from Rowan asking if I wanted to go to the beach in the evening. Brilliant idea, it was still so hot during the day that it would be lovely at night, so off we were going. I wasted the rest of the day just pottering about the house, and waiting for my time to be collected. I didn’t even have to negotiate on the buses – Rowan had a car, so I was being driven there. Much nicer. The plan changed a few times, but in the early evening I got picked up and we were off. Apparently I was being taken to the nicer beach, and this wasn’t the one where al the tourists went to. Brilliant. We had our dinner of chips on the beach – the idea of two veggies going for fish and chips on the beach I suppose sounds quite silly, but it was perfectly normal, as I ordered my pineapple fritter. God I love those things – why don’t they have them at home. They’ll fry everything else, but not a pineapple ring?! Anyway, we sat on the beach and enjoyed our bags of fried food, and then went for a walk along the sand. It had been such a nice day I was so tempted to get into the water – it felt so warm on my feet! But I refrained, and after a while we turned back to the car, to slightly realise we hadn’t paid as much attention as we should have to where it was parked. But, we relocated it pretty quickly, and climbed in. It was at thins point I noticed a massive spider on the sun-visor on the drivers side, and I turned really girly, muttered ‘spider’ and got out the car. Rowan did the same, screaming slightly. What a conundrum, we would have to try and get it out of the car, so we looked in the boot for something that might help us and located a badminton racket – not that helpful, but it was all that we had, and even with that we couldn’t successfully get it out. Dammit. So, we did the girly thing. And asked a couple of guys who were walking past. Ha! Mission accomplished, after a few minutes of acting incredibly girly! When I got home our flat was starting to fill up with people who were finishing work, and I assumed Will was still on site – doing whatever he does. It was only then I found out he was in hospital, and had been for a few hours. I was slightly panicky, until I found out it was just his hand – once again. He wasn’t back for ages, and eventually we all finished our drinks, and went to bed. I was just drifting off to sleep when I heard the ugly noise of the buzzer, and I ignored it. And then it went again, and as I couldn’t hear anyone else moving, I got up to let him in. just to prove that he had hurt himself he had a massive cast thing over one arm, and was suitably pissed off. Sounds about right. After I found out he did it whilst being stupid, a lot of my sympathy disappeared – it would be fixed soon.

On Thursday I still hadn’t had a phone call about babysitting, which was rather annoying, as I could have spent this week visiting Gina – ah well, I’m sure there’ll be a chance at some point?! In the morning I wen to see one of my friends who worked round the corner in a café, and although it was just meant to be a quick visit I ended up staying there for ages having a chat, and in the end I even gave n, and get myself a coffee. I tried to resist! I did very little for the next couple of hours, and as I had woken up so late I didn’t have long to wait until everyone came home, so I headed to buy some food, so I could make a giant dish of macaroni & cheese. Always a classic, and I was sorely missing it. And then I made it, at about 5 in the afternoon, and people weren’t back for ages – but I was well prepared. When everyone came home they let me know that we were all going out for dinner, to the house of two of our bosses. So, my beautiful macaroni was left on the side, and we all headed out. It was a lovely night, and we just spent many, many hours drinking, chatting and eating. Not a bad combination of activities I’ve always thought! Toni and my boss were due to leave that night, back to Melbourne, and when that time came, both of them were pretty drunk – that’ll be a fun trip!

Finally booked my travel back to Melbourne – and I was going to rent a car, which I got tomorrow, so I went for a final look around Adelaide, so wandered down Rundle St, and went to the tourist information place and got a fantastic map for my trip, and a couple of other leaflets about places, including ‘Cheese World’ – I cant wait already. I also got drawn into a cheap book store, and after I spent ages looking around, I actually found a couple of books I was interested in. Perfect. I also got them both for $12, which was a great bargain, so I headed home to pack, very happy with my purchases. When I got home I started looking at all of the places I could go, and the hostels I could book into it – as always the range of YHA accommodation was varying in quality, but I found the towns that I think I will get to, and phoned them up to see if there was a final time I could show up. They all seemed really nice and helpful, and I was glad I hadn’t picked ones owned by grumps! So I sat at the table, with my map, my computer and a Sharpie, and planned my route. It looks like there is so much stuff – I don’t think 3 days will be enough, but, I’ll see as much as I can! That night three of Will’s friends came over for dinner, and my mac & cheese finally fulfilled it’s destiny, and we had bowls of salad, and lots of real food, and it seemed like such a luxury. I was going to be living off takeaways for the next couple of nights too – hurray! It was a lovely night, and once we’d finished eating, there was a massive fireworks display, so we all stood on the balcony, and enjoyed the beautiful sunset, and tirade of fireworks, that seemed to last for ages. What a lovely way to say goodbye to Adelaide. And then I fell sound asleep, but had to set my alarm so I got up in time to get my car.

I woke up slightly too excited, and packed my bags, and then me and Will continued to pack away the whole of the kitchen into other bags I could also take with me. Will was flying so couldn’t take as much stuff. This took quite a long time, and by the time we finished there seemed to be so many bags, - thank god I don’t need to carry them at all. I also had to go and print out my confirmation letter for my car, and by the time this was done, I had enough time to have a final smoke on the balcony, and then me and Will set off, with my thousands of bags,, and my basil plant. .Madness! It was so humid rainy that day I didn’t take long before I was knackered, and considering dumping half the crap I had, but we made it to the bus stop, and a couple of minutes later my bus arrived to take me to the airport, to get the car. I got the keys without much fuss really, and then set ff to try and find my car. After being rained on quite a lot I had to ask someone, who quickly pointed me in the right direction. It didn’t seem very big, but it was enough for me (and my trolley load of stuff!). And so I tried to get in the car, and the alarm went off I locked it again, and tried again. The alarm went off again. Then, I pressed the button on the key, and the alarm didn’t go off. Success. I was in. With the car fully loaded, and my route planned out on my phone, I set off, in the pissing rain. The part I was most concerned about was getting out of Adelaide - I hate city driving, and having no real idea where I was going kept checking my phone, and only made one panic turn. Even with that it didn’t take me long to get on the right road out of the city, and I was off! This little bit of driving had already taught me that the car was a bit crap, and had no acceleration at all. Could be interesting. And so I drove, and drove, and enjoyed the scenery, and when I got to y first little town by a massive lake (can’t remember the name – could be Alexandria?!) . So Miningie was the name of this little town, which seemed to be home to a launderette, a takeaway, and an IGA. Thankfully I only needed the IGA, and went to get some Farmer’s Union – my trip my rules. I took this chance to call ahead to the hostel I was planning on staying at in Robe, and the lady sounded lovely, and also warned me about driving in the dark – incredibly dangerous, and you can hit a kangaroo, which can absolutely mangle your car. As I had also taken the cheapest insurance, I was going to be super careful. And I kept driving. And driving. The next reason I stopped was because I saw a restaurant with a massive lobster on the front of it, so I decided to take a photo. Sadly my camera was having serious issues with the rapidly fading light, and I couldn’t get a good one. I also went into the petrol station to find out how far I was from Robe, and it was only 15km away – hurray. Although by now it was properly dark, and it had started pissing it down. The rain was so heavy I could hardly see, and my final 15km were made through this weather, and he only radio station I could get was some kind of Christian rubbish which claimed it was the end of the world. Although it sounds silly now, it really did give my little drive a rather sinister mood, and I was grateful when I got to the sign saying I was in Robe. It was at this point I released I had no idea where the hostel was, o kept driving, pretty slowly in case I saw a turn-off. In the end it just appeared in front of me, and I parked up, and went to pay. The lady behind the counter was a little Scottish lady, who had such a smokers cough, her whole body shook, Lovely. Anyway, after a bit of playing about, I finally paid, and she showed me to my dorm. Seemed nice enough. I went outside to get everything I thought I needed, ad as it was still pelting it down, decided to put my basil plant outside, to let it have a drink. And then I went into the kitchen to put my milk in the fridge, and then I saw two people who looked really familiar. After a bit of a stupid ‘I think I know you’ face, it was confirmed that it was the sister and mum of my best friend when I lived in Cambridge. Oh my god it’s a small world! SO that was my evening planned, and we sat down and had a great chat, and a catch-up. I was still amazed when we all finally decided it was bedtime, and I went to sleep on my super creaky mattress. And was freezing. Bugger, I eventually got to sleep though.

WEEK TWENTY-FIVE

As it was once again Monday, and I didn’t have the day off, it meant that I was in the shed on my own, and with it being a Monday night I wasn’t in for much excitement. I did however get the thrill of a new timetable, as in the final week of the festival now, and it means that some of the shows have changed and some of the new ones are amazing, including Jason Byrne, and the Space Cowboy, but also something rather intriguing called ‘The Freak and the Showgirl’ – and that’s exactly that it was. A thalidomide kid, all grown up, and Miss somewhere of something from a decade ago. Interesting! However, as I had to sell tickets for it, it meant I didn’t get a chance to see it, but I will definitely have to see it at the weekend! It does strike me as something that might sell out though – the kind of stupid show people hear about, and the only thing they know about it is that it has a naked lady in it. Jesus you can sell a lot of tickets just by getting your kit off! The on annoying thing about it was that it is on even later than the Wau Wau Sisters were, so it means I had to be there even later. When I knocked off I got a beer, and sat down with one of my bosses to enjoy beer and a few of her chips, at about midnight. Completely normal behaviour! As I hadn’t actually eaten much in the way of real food for a while I decided to go for a baked potato for my dinner, and took it home in it’s little cardboard tray, and ate it when real cutlery, which was very exciting. I then spent the next couple of hours just chatting with our flat mates, and having multiple cups of tea. At some ridiculous time in the morning I eventually went to bed, and didn’t have to worry about setting an alarm as I had the next day off.

I had one plan for the day, and that was to meet up with Nathan. And so with that sorted, I had a couple f hours to myself to try and get some writing done, and have some breakfast – cornflakes really are one of the most boring cereals! We had plans to go for a coffee, which very quickly changed, and within 5 minutes of meeting up with each other we both had a pint in our hands, and some lunch ordered. Not bad! It wasn’t really half as awkward as I thought it was going to be and we just chatted away whilst we ate, and then had another drink. It was at this point that he remembered he had to go to the bank, and the next couple of hours we spent traipsing around Adelaide trying to find a bank which stocked Fiji money. After we had completed our mission, I thought I deserved an ice cream, and finally gave in to the place we live next to, and got a huge ice cream. That cheered me up again. We went for a look round site, but, as it was the day not much was going on, and so after a quick tour, he said he had to go, and that was that. In the evening I decided to go for some silly shows, and went to see Gateau Chocolat (again, yes I know!) and then to Drags Aloud, and they were just what I was in the mood for! Glitter, heels, lycra, and more glitter. Fantastic. And then I got an amazing pancake, with everything on it, and sat down to enjoy the Garden.

As we were in the final week we were all getting a bit giddy about it all being over, and the fact I had my final Front of House shift on Wednesday made me very happy. I didn’t manage to get out of it – but considering I’d only actually done it once before I thought I should just enjoy it. So, I did my rounds of wandering, and not doing a lot, almost had a fight with someone about when their break would be, swept and cleaned two of the tents, and doing some terrible spruiking, I then had to cover someone’s break, so I got to listen to pretty much all of Barry Morgan’s wonderful organ show – again. Jesus Christ. However, during my time in front of the ‘Cupola’ something rather hilarious happened. Let me first set the scene – I was wearing a strapless top, I was also wearing a bum-bag which was far too big for me, but had no way of tightening, so I just had to balance it around my hips.  Onto this bum-bag I then attached a radio, and had the mic pinned to the top of my (strapless_ top. Most of you can probably guess what happened next, but for thse who cant – the bum-bag dropped form my waist, taking the radio, the mic, and ultimately my top down with it. I was then left, with one of my breasts out, thankfully covered by my bra, and had to try and think of something to say. The only thing I could come up with was ‘Ah well, you get a free tit with that ticket’ not exactly helping the situation, but it was the first thing that popped into my head as I desperately tried to pull my top back up. What happened next was even better though, a few minutes after this incident, the show finished and I went to open the zip of the tent and the same thing happened again, however this time it took me bra with it – leaving me with one exposed breast, and still trying to un-zip the tent. Oh my God!! The rest of the night was pretty much spent covering people’s breaks, and at one point I was very excited to see Phil and Rowan had come to see me, and it was at the one point in the night when I was actually meant to be doing something. Annoying! I chatted to them for awhile, vowed to meet up with them before they go back to the UK, and reluctantly went back to what I was doing before. That was my night pretty much, apart from right at the very end of it I was asked to help clean the Spiegeltent – not that I could actually say no, nor could I point out that it kept me 20 minutes longer than I was meant to be there. I wouldn’t mind normally, but it was just such a boring job!

When I arrived at work the next day I found everyone getting ready for work, much the same as usual, but there seemed to be a few who were taking it more seriously than other days, and it was then that everyone was dressing up as each other, but no one had told us in the box office – rubbish! I could have gone as Will and just worn jeans and a t-shirt. It was also the night of our staff party (during the run, weird I know!) so I think that also had a lot to do with the special attention to detail. So over the next hour or so when everyone arrived into work, I tried to think of someone I could go as, and in the end decided to try and borrow one of my friends, more than slightly creepy scout uniform! It was amazing, and I have no idea how it still fits him, but I thought it would be fitting, and everyone would know who I had gone as. And so he said he would get it for me the next time he wasn’t busy. That seemed fair! Work was oddly quiet for the while night, so we didn’t really get up to much – in fact, we did so little I made myself a mask, with a  moving mouth and everything – cabin fever had well and truly set in! It was lovely weather though, and the rest of the night went quite quickly. Once we were both finished we tried to find other people who had finished so we could have a drink with them, and it didn’t take long! I did find some people once again re-touching their make-up, and all I could think is that this was a work party – these people have seen you for the past month, it doesn’t really matter. But anyway – maybe I shouldn’t think like that?! We had a couple of drinks on site, and then headed up to the pub, and got given our wristbands for our free drinks. Awesome! So, I went straight to the bar, and decided vodka would be my drink for the night. Everyone spent the next few hours drinking courtesy of the Garden of Unearthly Delights, and the tab was only finished when someone ordered 10 shots – an easy way to destroy a tab!  But, I had managed to have one drink in each hand, so I was set for a while. We did also get fed at some point in the night, and plates of cheese appeared, which were quickly diminished, but were well appreciated. When we were finally all kicked out of the bar at 3am, some people continued to drink, and found somewhere else. I opted out of this and decided to go home, as I was already pretty pissed – to put it nicely!

Surprisingly enough I woke up later than usual the next day. I have vague memories of waking up at about 9am, and still being drunk, and feeling like rubbish, and then I woke up again at 2pm, still feeling pretty dodgy, but forced myself up, and forced myself to drink a cup of tea. Evil vodka! After having a shower, and a cigarette, and letting the caffeine kick in a felt quite a lot better. I didn’t do anything all day, and just lay about in the living room with a couple of our flat mates, and moaned about feeling sick. Eventually I got ready for work – with minimal effort having gone into the outfit of choice, an headed to work, via the 7/11 to get some kind of fruit juice – my body was craving some kind of vitamins, so I got a couple of bottles, and headed off to work. Strangely enough everyone else felt terrible too, and when I heard stories of people having champagne breakfasts that morning I was pretty glad I had bailed when I had. I would be completely broken if I had stayed out till then! As all of our managers had also been out the night it meant not a lot was expected of us – sadly we had all of the idiot punters to deal with. The Friday night crowd always seemed particularly demanding, and annoying. We battled through for 7 hours, and in the end the final show had gone in, and we could run away from our shed! Hurray! The one bonus about the night was that I was constantly chatted up by an Irish guy – bloody typical – go half way round the world to be chatted up by Irish guys, I can do that in Edinburgh!! But, I’m not complaining! It’s just a shame he seemed to disappear at one point in the night. Bugger! Anyway, once I was finished I was pretty keen to just go home and go to bed, but as Will had the keys I had to wait for him to be free. Normally this isn’t a problem at all, and it is a matter of minutes, however on this night, Amanda Palmer had decided to continue her show outside, and then in her drunken state, climbed on to the top of the massive Dutch wooden box, and sang form there. Because of this Will had to stick about and make sure she didn’t die!  So, I go some spring rolls, and ate my dinner on a deckchair just watching the chaos unfold. Jot bad dinner entertainment! Eventually she got down and I got to go home.

My final Saturday was so slow it was insane – I’m sure the evening was much busier, but I had so little to do I was pretty glad that I was almost over! It was just so frustrating having so little to do, but it was so hot in the box that I imagine if I was given anything to complex to do I would have failed anyway. I basically spent the day sweating, and trying to replace my fluids as quickly as I could. It was even too hot to eat, so I didn’t mind that I wasn’t given a break, I was instead just brought cold bottles of water, and Lift. Can’t complain too much! I was pretty much just counting down the hours, as I had plans to leave the Garden that night, as I had tickets for Tim Minchin and the Adelaide Symphony Orchestra – and to put it mildly I was a tad excited! I had randomly asked when I was at the box office buying my Belle and Sebastian tickets, and I was in luck, and found out there were two available, in the front of the balcony. Not terrible. So me and Will both had tickets, and although he was meant to be working he had managed to get someone to cover him for a couple of hours, and so once I finished work I went home, had a couple of beers and was accosted by a 5-year-old and the never-ending questions, finally I managed to escape and headed off to the theatre. The walk there seemed to take much longer than before, but I still got there with time to spare, and just waited for Will – far too excited for my own good. And then we were entertained by Tim Minchin for a few hours, I think in total it was about 3 hours long, with a little interval, and it was incredible. By the start of the first song me and Will had our jaws on the floor, but still couldn’t help laughing. He is incredible. And I bet he’s been waiting for my opinion on his overwhelming talent, so he can now rest easy! In true form he managed to impress me enough to make me think buying the CD of his show was a good idea, and I clambered amongst everyone else trying to buy stuff, Will ran back to work, as he had been much longer than he said he would be! After handing over $25 for the CD I refrained from buying a badge that said ‘Cheese’ on it (and slightly regret it now!) I decided it was time to go home – or at least onto site to see if I can see a show – I can’t help it! As soon as I stepped outside I realised the whole floor was moving – and it was cricket s- absolutely hundreds of them – all over the floor, in various states of living, and swarming around the street lamps, and occasionally even having the guts to fly into my hair. I walked home pretty damned quickly that night, and didn’t stop off at the Garden – I couldn’t stand any more bugs – so I went home, and very quickly fell asleep. Well done Mr. Minchin.

It was the final day of work, and it seemed like I had been there for so long, it was going to be sad seeing it all being taken down, but before then, I had one more shift, and a couple more shows to cram in! The day was really quiet, it had gotten to the time in the festival when everyone was over it, punters and the staff, and I couldn’t stop counting down the hours. When 7pm finally came I skipped out of the box office, to almost bump into one of Will’s friend who was carrying lots of beer. Will and a couple more f his friends we all sitting round a table, and I thought tyat seemed like a fantastic way to celebrate my new  freedom. So, we  sat and chatted and drank for awhile, until Will got called off to unblock a port-a-loo. I’m so glad I’m not in his position if power! I then had to run to go and see my first show of the night, which was going to be the Space Cowboy. He was in the first Fringe show I ever saw in Edinburgh, and he now has a special place in my heart, and for pretty good reason too – his finale was on top of a 10 foot unicycle, blindfolded, juggling a butchers knife, a machete and a little axe of some description. He also did such mediocre things as bend spoons and make light bulbs turn on without them being attached to electricity! Next on the list was Jason Byrne, who I knew was going to be amazing, but was sold out, so I sat at the back next to the tech, and, he did not disappoint, at all. Another amazing show. And then I decided that I really should go and see the ‘Freak and the Showgirl’ – and all I knew about it was that someone said to me that you have to go in with an open mind, with that ringing in my head I watched what has to have been one of the strangest things I have ever seen at a festival, and that’s a pretty good claim. It had no point, no idea, and no structure. The only thing which was even close to talent was the man’s singing voice, but it really did seem like a really bad hark-back to freak shows and the likes, but did it badly. Harsh review, but true. Ah well, two of the shows were good, and the third, was, interesting! That’s a pretty good average for a Fringe festival though! By the time I had come out of my final show they had already started to rip the site down, and I got briskly ushered out of the gate before I manged to get my staff-pass out, and get through them to try and find Will. The Scotland V England rugby match was on that night, and I was going to watch it in his office, but the internet wasn’t working, so I just went to say goodbye, and then went back to the flat to wait for Will to pop over and show me how to watch it online. I fell asleep before this happened, and found out in the morning Scotland lost. No surprises there then!

And so with the Garden of Unearthly Delights over, I had a couple of weeks before I started work at the Melbourne comedy Festival, and I had been semi-asked if I would do some babysitting, so I knew I was going to be in Adelaide for the next week or so – I definitely had to stay until Thursday, as on Wednesday night I’m going to see Belle & Sebastian, and I can’t wait! And I still have to go to the zoo at s

WEEK TWENTY-FOUR

On Monday I had a day off, which was well appreciated, and I celebrated it by waking up early, making a cup of tea and watching hours of terrible American TV, in the form of the Oscars. And to be honest I didn’t move much from that spot all day. I did however leave the flat once to go and get some real food, which I thought was required, and also stocked up on silly amounts of crap food too. I can’t be trusted sometimes! I spent most of the day watching bad TV, and attempting to plan some kind of idea for my trip up the east coast – it’s just so hard, Australia’s so big. During the evening boredom must have set in, as I decided to cut my own hair. Some may think I should have learnt from my mistakes, but, with scissors in hand I chopped a chunk. And then realised it seemed awfully short. Bugger. I then cut more off to try and even it up. That didn’t work. So, I chopped a bit more, and then the small amount of vanity I had made me stop at that point, and I tried to remind myself that it would grow back. Oooops. Ah well, at least I have a good excuse to go back to the hairdresser! And that was my day. Not exactly the most eventful, but it was very nice having a whole day that I didn’t go on site.

And so I had another day off, and to be honest I wasn’t really that happy about it, one in a week is fine, and I would rather have the money, but as Tuesday is a quiet night I wasn’t need, but once again woke up too late to go to the zoo. I want it to be a full-day zoo experience! Nathan also wasn’t free to catch-up, so I just spent the afternoon in the flat, and did some much needed writing. In the evening I started with Philip Escoffey (not that hard to pronounce, you’d be surprised at what some of the morons said when they came up to the box office!) who has been around for years, and been very popular, but I hadn’t seen him, and I have to say I was impressed, and although I know that he can’t be a mind-reader, he is incredibly good at what he does, and I wish I knew how he did it! Next on the list was Wil Anderson, who was apparently sold out, but there was plenty of room for me to get in, so I sat right at the back, safe from the onslaught which was to come. I haven’t seem him for years, and I couldn’t even remember if I liked him, but 10 minutes into his show and I was in hysterics! He is brilliant. Another well-chosen show. The final one was a bit of a guarantee and I went to see Axis of Awesome, and I pretty much know most of their songs word-perfect, so I sat at the back, and mouthed along, and had a lovely time! Most people probably thought I was some kind of crazy stalker, which I may be, but they are hilarious. After the show I saw Bec as well which was awesome, I knew she was around because she has a show, but I didn’t think I’d bump into her. I really do have to go and see her show. How long have I been saying that for? God I’m a bad friend. Anyway, that was my night, and it well and truly got me back in the mood for it all for the next fortnight.

After two days off work I really didn’t feel like going back, but the lure of money got me there, and although I was scheduled to be doing my Front of House shift, when I arrived, there were too many people there and I got to sit in the box for the night. To be honest I was pretty chuffed about it, and it was pretty quiet, so I did very little. Even better. I was becoming quite attached to my little shed! It was pretty bloody hot, and it was only then, after a couple of weeks of sweltering did I think of going to the bar to get some ice. I cant believe it took me so long to think of it, but it made the next few hours much more reasonable, and then once then sun went down it got to a decent temperature. But the bugs came out. These were the nastiest locusts/crickets I have ever seen, and they were fearless – I spent a lot of the evening flailing my arms around trying to get them off my. Not nice. They could even get through our lovely grate we had in front of our windows. Little buggers. No one ever tells you about the bugs when they tell you about Australia – they are everywhere, and if they aren’t trying to fly into your face, they are biting you!

Work work work. Boring boring boring. But actually surprisingly busy for a Thursday – weird Adelaide people can’t make up their mind! Their new found enthusiasm for Thursday nights meant that neither of us got breaks, which was annoying. We dis manage to get them right at the end of our shift though, and at least it was a chance to eat, even if the choice was limited the what I could buy on site. So, I went for a falafel wrap, and got it for free, which is always abonus I suppose. After it was al over all I wanted to do was go home, and so I went, and buzzed the door. No answer. Bussed again, no answer. Text one of our flat mates who may have some keys, no answer. Phoned Will to find out if he had keys, he answered, but didn’t have any. So, he came over to the door, and phoned the same person I had text, no answer. So, we went back to the site, and got the swipe card from someone else who worked there, who was staying in the same block – annoyingly they also had to live on the same floor as the keys would only get you to one level. So, with that in hand we got in, and got the lift up to our level, and turned the handle of the door. For what must have been the third time, at most, during the festival it had been locked. So, we went back down to site to give the key back to it’s rightful owner, and tried to think of a plan. We knew one person was in the flat, but they must have been asleep, with their five-year-old son. This meant, if we tried to call them, the kid might wake up, and it was about 2am at this point. After a lot of walking between site and our locked front door, when faced with the prospect of sleeping on a hammock, in a shipping container, we decided to call the flat. And we got an answer. And the child didn’t wake up. And we got let back in. Success! At last.

As always, a couple of weeks into the festival, and the weekend starts to get stupidly busy – and that is what it did. Still there was no sign of punters trying to jump the fences, I’m starting to think it was al elaborate story! But. The queue was stupidly long by 10pm, and I was given the rather fantastic task of getting a comedian past security. This challenge was given to me by Mickey D, and my accomplice would be Hannah Gadsby – so off I went. Luckily enough it was a lull in the crowds at the box office. After the usual pleasant introductions had been done, I made a bit of a tit of myself, and so decided not to open my mouth again for a while. When we got there however, I got a phone call to say that she had already blagged her way through – I was looking forward to that, would have been one of the more exciting things I had done! Once we had eventually gotten through the night, and cashed up, which seemed to take an age, which was frustrating as hell at the end of such a night. One day I will just go mental at someone who asks ‘what’s good to see?’ – arghhhh! It’s really annoying! Even when we had closed everything up, there was still a queue of people round he corner, just wanting to get in and have a look, and drink beer, and be annoying. So I left, and hid in the apartment and just talked crap for hours with one of our housemates. Not a bad way to spend the night in my opinion. Not exactly exciting, but at least I didn’t have to deal with any more of the general public!, which was precisely what I needed.

And then on Saturday I had my day shift, and true to form I was absolutely knackered and made my first port of call to get a cup of tea and a piece of flapjack for breakfast, and then go and sit in the box for 7 hours. It was a really quiet day, and I spent a vast majority of it on the BBC News Website reading pretty much every article they had – it wasn’t too bad really! That was pretty much my day, and when people came in to cover me I asked if I could go home, and normally the answer would be yes, but instead I was given a few boring jobs to d first, so I stacked up some boxes with programmes until it was actually the time I was meant to go home, and then ran away. There was no point in staying to see shows because the ones left I wanted to see would be sold out, and I couldn’t be bothered just wasting time all night, so instead I went home, and did some writing, and had a nap. How lovely!

After my evening of doing very little I felt remarkably well rested the next day, I still had very little to do, and once again the Adelaide sun was showing it’s force, but I had a huge bottle of frozen water, and even got a break to go and get some food, so it wasn’t too bad really. As I finished quite early I could have gone home, and been off site for a night, but instead, I got a beer, and my dinner and sat on a deck chair for a while, just enjoying it. As much as I bitch and moan about my work, I know I shouldn’t really, because ultimately I work in a pretty cool place, and the Garden ahs to take the biscuit for cool places to work – awww, the festival must be almost over, I’m starting to get sentimental about it. I also still have loads of shows to go and see, so, I made a definitive list, of what I could see in the time I had left, slightly cursed myself for not seeing more in the beginning, and it looked like I was going to have a pretty good week. And then I slept..