WEEK THIRTY

So it was the morning after the night before – and I was still out. Ooops. You know something has gone wrong (or indeed very right!) when you end up getting a train home at 8am. And then throwing up on it. Not my proudest moment. So, it was my day-off, and thank god. When me and Will got home (Toni had decided to continue the night!) I pretty much went straight to sleep. I think I woke up to get a drink a couple of hours later, and still felt awful, so went back to bed. I slept for a further 5 hours, and then Toni arrived home (Hard core!). I then fell asleep for a couple more hours, and finally dragged myself out of bed at 5pm. I got as far as the sofa, and then settled down to watch some David Attenborough in my rather fragile state. Will was feeling much the same so didn’t protest at all! When we had finally built up enough strength to make dinner we had a feast of mash, peas and tomato gravy. Strange as it may sound, it hit the spot perfectly. We had a couple of puddings – tinned pineapple, and then rice pudding and jam. How obvious is it that we had no real food in the house? After a few good hours spent in front of the tele, it was time for bed again. Although it had been a complete waste of a day off, I was starting to feel slightly more human by the time I went to sleep.

When I woke up again, I was feeling much better, still not quite normal, but better than before. Little victories! Toni was finally awake too, so we went out to get some grub - me and Will had finished all the remaining food in the house the night before! The closest place is ‘Frederick on Hyde’ – which is a proper dodgy greasy spoon, but seems to be popular with people who wear hi-vis clothing. So, we went for an adventure to get an egg roll, and then straight home again! That was enough! The eggs rolls were fantastic, and also dirt cheap, which was nice, and we even got some milk off them, so we could have cups of tea. It all seemed such a chore at the time, but it was so worth it! I really did very little for the next few hours, and just moped about the house. When the time came to go to work I was starving again, and so got a Farmer’s Union and a Snickers – I don’t think I have ever demolished food so quickly. It was ridiculous! But well appreciated. Kind of! Work was a quiet night – no one seems to go out at all on a Tuesday night, but for once I didn’t mind that I had nothing to do – it was just what I needed, and it was one of my short shifts. After work I went home. I didn’t even care if anyone else was going out, the idea of alcohol made me feel quite queasy.  So I went home.

When I woke up on Wednesday I finally didn’t feel like crap – it felt like it had been so long! Despite this, I still didn’t do much before work! I did consider going to the gym, not for very long, but I decided for the sake of my newly better tummy I would leave it! Ha! That was my excuse anyway. At work the feeling finally came over me that I was over this festival. I didn’t have a chance to see any shows, and I barely got to see anyone throughout the duration of the night. The one bonus of my crap night at work was that I was given lots of Mentos by one of the bar guys who kept walking past. Not all bad then, I suppose. I also had a little nap too – I think this was vital to save me from the dire boredom of the corridor! After work I decided to go and have a drink in Hi-Fi. So, I had a few beers, and chatted to some people, and drank some more beer for the next few hours, and then when Will was finally finished work we had one more beer, and then went home – it seemed remarkably civilised at 3am! At least it was still dark.

I assumed that work was going to be as uneventful as all the other nights, but thankfully, no. Half-way through the third show, the producer of the show came out, and let me know that I had to get security, to help get someone out of the audience. Always a joy. We managed to get her out of the room, with a little persuasion, and then she burst into tears! I don’t think I’ve ever made someone cry at work before – apart from the child on Christmas Eve because I wouldn’t let them have a go on a slide. Ha! OK, I’ve probably made quite a few kids cry, but this was definitely the first adult! And so, with the security guard on their way, we slowly ushered her away from the venue, and towards the door. And then she started crying even harder, and explaining how terrible the situation was. It was pretty tragic, but we kept slowly shepherding her out of the building, and eventually reached the door. We had one more little breakdown from her, and then we finally got her out the door – at least it was a little bit of excitement for the night. The rest of the night was pretty dull compared to that! This was actually the most exciting night I had though. I did learnt the problem with having a radio not working – when asked to get security, instead of using the radio, you have to run. And that was what I did! Always a first! Haha!

I was in for another trick the next night, and it was the first time two shows in one night sold out. Amazing – I almost did enough work to earn my pay. Almost. Instead, the main thing I did all night was do some writing, and waste time writing random lists. The last comedian I have, drinks a couple of pints on stage, however, as she had a rough night the day before, I was asked to get a bucket – just in case. With the possibility of someone throwing up, I sat in and watched the show. I haven’t had a chance to see any shows, apart from the ones in my room, and so I was treated to a puppet show about the start of Scouts – complete with profanities. It may not seem that funny, but after my drought of comedy – I loved it! She wasn’t actually sick, which is probably a good thing really. After work I went down to the Spiegeltent to find Will, and watch some of ‘Ali McGregor’s Late Night Variety Nite Night’ – I think that’s right – and after conning my way past the security people, I found Will, got a drink, and sat down to enjoy the show. I saw Asher Treleaven (doing some amazing Diablo-ing), The List Operators (utter shite – after so many good reviews…), some amazing aerial ribbon stuff (done by a beautiful man!), and then finally naked skipping – and she had painted eyes on her boobs!! Hilarious! Once everything had been packed up, we all went to the bar next door, and had many drinks. I decided, for the first time in a while that I would have Baileys – and I forgot how damned good it was! So we spent the rest of the night drinking and chatting – mainly about Edinburgh festival, which was weird! I really have to try and sort my job out for that!! Once the bar closed, and the crazy carnies had finished their bottle of champagne, we were kicked out onto the street. By the time we got home it was 4am, and I finally crawled into bed an hour after that! At least I made it home.

I decided to take the dogs out in the morning the next day – to blow the wind out of my hair, and take them for a run! When I was in the park, I went to get a bag out to pick up poo, and felt something squishy. It was a poo in a bag – which must have been there at least for a day! Yuck!!! Not nice! After the dogs decided they had run enough (or at least Turnip had!) we went home, and I get ready for another thrilling night at work. It was boring. Nothing more to say. I went to Hi-Hi afterwards to try and dull the boredom I had, and watched a bit of comedy, Tommy Little was fantastic, and then Dave Callan came on, and I decided enough was enough – finished my drink, and left. I went to the Spiegeltent to meet Will again, as he had a cab charge, and I had stayed out past the last train! I was a bit early, so just sat down, and waited. When he turned up, we were all ready to get another drink, and then Will decided he couldn’t be bothered, and we got a taxi! Sociable bunnies that we are! I fell asleep on the sofa that night, which although the location was normal, I was still dressed, the TV was still on, and the dogs were still in. Ooops!

As it was Sunday I decided to have pancakes for brekkie! What a way to start the day! Then I helped out in the garden, strimmed the grass, climbed a ladder, and scratched the foamy stuff off the inside of the door frame, in preparation for the painting. Me and Will were due to start work at the same time, so we both walked to Yarraville together, and then both found out that there were no trains. So, it was a bus to Footscray, and then a train from there. Despite this, I actually managed to get to work on time, and have just enough time to get one of my lovely $1 cups of tea. The enxt few hours were uneventful, and boring. Done. Another day ticked off! I went to Hi-Fi afterwards, and swiftly got myself a drink. There was a great show on (Haus Party) and so I spent the next few hours, drinking, and chatting, and watching hot men in small shorts doing comedy – I’m sure there were other things in the night, but it all seemed to be surpassed by a rather emotional rendition of Wendy Ho’s ‘F@&k Me’. We all decided to go home at 2am, which seemed pretty reasonable – sadly I didn’t get to sleep till 4am though! Need to start going to sleep at a normal time!

One more week of the Comedy Festival finished, and only one more to go. For once I’m not getting all nostalgic about the end of it – I cannot wait for it to be over! Then I won’t have to sit in a drafty corridor for five hours a night. Thank God!